Marriage and murder

The lockdown hasn’t ended yet and the future is still bleak. If the news of Covid killing people wasnt enough, there are rising cases of domestic abuse across the world.

Two weeks ago, my mother was reading the newspaper when she showed me a news of a young woman who died after a snakebite while sleeping peacefully at her home with her husband. She was already undergoing treatment after being bitten by a snake a month ago. In our place, snakebites are not uncommon. But, 2 consecutive episodes like these have never been heard of.

Yesterday, the police caught her husband. He confessed to murdering her using the snake. It seems he was in need of money which the woman had in plenty. So, he deviced the plan.

When i saw him, i didn’t see a monster who looked like he was ready to pounce. No, he looked like a normal guy. I looked at their home. A decent one too. I looke at their parents. They reminded me of my grandparents.

At first, i felt bad but eventually it slipped off my mind. It could be because i never expected myself to be in her place. But, is that true? Many of us subconsciously protect our fragile egoes believing that these will never happen to us. We blame the fate more often than we are supposed to.

My family is one of the many families in India where tradition is held close to the heart as and when it pleases. Most of the marriages i have attended have been arranged by the elders. How can they understand if the guy or the girl is an abuser by looking at their family, educational status or job? This is messed up.

If at all the bride or groom turns out to be someone who verbally, mentally or physically abuses the other,then what? Divorce is still stigmatised. It is a symbol of failure in good upbringing, failure in teaching adjustments and failure in finding a good partner in the minds of many parents.

Why are we so obsessed with the illusion of a perfect marriage. I myself used to dream of it, but, now i feel there are much more in life for me than that. I dont want raising children, managing a home and juggling a 9 to 4 job to be the sole purpose of my life. I am worthy of a life i dream of.

It is high time we break this cycle of creating bonds which doesnt assure happiness; a patchwork of adjustments. I understand that parents mean well. They want the best for us. But, all anyone could ever want is happiness.

I dont want to lead a life where i will have to adjust my dreams, my habits, my hobbies for the sake of social security. I am not the harbinger of honor to my family. Not at the expense of my life.

Since we all are stuck at home, having to cope up with the limitations, my mother was trying some food experiments most of which ended as disasters and my father the other day half joking half serious asked my mother, ” Dont bother. You are much too useless. When have you ever added happiness in my life anyways.”. My mother was quick to rebut, ” Who do you think i am to add anything in your life? When have you been of use to me either ? ” and a smile creeped up on my face for i knew she is what makes me think.

5 thoughts on “Marriage and murder

  1. Marriage should be for oneself not for showing off to the society, people need to understand that. But slowly and gradually society is changing for the good I guess, place from where I come from Divorce is not considered as a ” Big Stigma” the way it was considered in earlier day’s.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. True. The stigma is reducing and people are standing up for themselves. They are questioning the elements of misogyny and patriarchy which is a welcome change. Hope we can see more in the future.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. There’s a documentary on Monogamy by Vox where it speaks about how marriage was more of a bond between two regions than two people. It is not in the nature of humans, yet, to be completely okay with monogamy. Only humans are capable of even thinking to have one person on the account of a paper. Also, we humans are the only ones who can even evolve to one day see marriage working everywhere. It’s complicated like the mankind.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It is complicated indeed. Yet there is a deep dark side which traps a lot of people. It needs to be exposed and clarified. Thappad was a great movie that discussed this. We have come so far but there’s still a long way ahead.

      Liked by 1 person

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